Recently I have felt so close to sir, so loved, wanted and safe. Today I am just not sure, I feel lost. It’s been three days since I heard his voice, except when we argued last night. It was better before, I knew my place and felt like I belonged there.
It’s hard to submit to someone that is not with you all the time. When you don’t see them you feel lost, it’s hard to keep that balance of being devoted to them and submissive, but being able to stand on your own two feet.
I have read other blogs in the hope of finding the answer. I am still looking. Needless to say master and I are at odds. Not sure what the future holds or if I am still his. I will probably be accused of creating drama. It would seem that Submissives are not allowed to doubt, be negative, worry or basically feel or express any emotion. At the same time we are supposed to be open and honest, I don’t understand how that works. Am I to become a numb, brainless, robot? And how do you let yourself go and become 100% dependant, but remain independent for the times that your Dom is not around? My search for the answers continues, and tonight once again I retire with a heavy heart.